ready for a change...
I just can't begin to tell you how much I am in awe of God at this moment. As I continue to seek out His will for my life I see Him working and changing things that I never saw before.
I have worked with the youth for what seems like years (lol...of course, it has been like eight years...wow I didn't realize it's been that long). When I began I doubted whether I could actually do it or not. Here I am eight years later and I'm like "how could I give this up". Anyway, I have been so involved that when people see me they ask what the youth are up to or ask me about a teenager. It's been an incredible ride and I'm so fortunate to have been involved in so many teens' lives.
Recently, though, I have been struggling. Probably since about April. Dan left February 2006 and after Donnie got here I felt I needed to be super involved with his transition. Why? Hmmm...maybe because of my inability to not let go, I think. There really was no reason for me to stay so involved for so long, but I did. Even when Donnie asked me to go to camp this past summer I was a little uncomfortable with it, but I went anyway...I said it was my favorite time and I would just do it. In all actuality I was ignoring what God was calling me to do (or in this case not do). Now, here we are at another camp beginning point. I know I shouldn't go and I know I have to back away.
I always said that when my season in a certain ministry was over I would back away gracefully and feeling no pressure or guilt (or harbor any ill feelings). I am still holding to that. I don't have a problem walking away...not at all. I guess maybe...and this is completely selfish...I helped to build up the youth to where it was before Donnie and it still seems like my "baby". But, I stopped the other day and looked around. I stepped outside of myself and looked at the teenagers. All the girls/guys that I have spent time building relationships with are gone. They are in college now. How much easier would it be for me to step away now than before? So stinking easy. Still, there are others...Jordi, Iris, Jenna...girls that have waited and waited to be in my Sunday School class...even though I'm not sure why. However, I cannot ignore God. He is calling me to do something else. Something bigger. I'm not all together sure I actually know what it is, but it's out there.
I don't think that my calling is to stop teaching, though. I know that the call on my heart is young women/girls. Other than that...hmmm...God will have to fill me in. I know this is probably mostly ramblings and run-ons but I could use some advice. Anyone ever made a change like this before? Anyone going through the same thing now? Although I feel alone in my musings I know I am not. This is my heart.
I have worked with the youth for what seems like years (lol...of course, it has been like eight years...wow I didn't realize it's been that long). When I began I doubted whether I could actually do it or not. Here I am eight years later and I'm like "how could I give this up". Anyway, I have been so involved that when people see me they ask what the youth are up to or ask me about a teenager. It's been an incredible ride and I'm so fortunate to have been involved in so many teens' lives.
Recently, though, I have been struggling. Probably since about April. Dan left February 2006 and after Donnie got here I felt I needed to be super involved with his transition. Why? Hmmm...maybe because of my inability to not let go, I think. There really was no reason for me to stay so involved for so long, but I did. Even when Donnie asked me to go to camp this past summer I was a little uncomfortable with it, but I went anyway...I said it was my favorite time and I would just do it. In all actuality I was ignoring what God was calling me to do (or in this case not do). Now, here we are at another camp beginning point. I know I shouldn't go and I know I have to back away.
I always said that when my season in a certain ministry was over I would back away gracefully and feeling no pressure or guilt (or harbor any ill feelings). I am still holding to that. I don't have a problem walking away...not at all. I guess maybe...and this is completely selfish...I helped to build up the youth to where it was before Donnie and it still seems like my "baby". But, I stopped the other day and looked around. I stepped outside of myself and looked at the teenagers. All the girls/guys that I have spent time building relationships with are gone. They are in college now. How much easier would it be for me to step away now than before? So stinking easy. Still, there are others...Jordi, Iris, Jenna...girls that have waited and waited to be in my Sunday School class...even though I'm not sure why. However, I cannot ignore God. He is calling me to do something else. Something bigger. I'm not all together sure I actually know what it is, but it's out there.
I don't think that my calling is to stop teaching, though. I know that the call on my heart is young women/girls. Other than that...hmmm...God will have to fill me in. I know this is probably mostly ramblings and run-ons but I could use some advice. Anyone ever made a change like this before? Anyone going through the same thing now? Although I feel alone in my musings I know I am not. This is my heart.
Comments
Love you!
Treyson's Purpose...
I think we need you.
I'm kidding...kinda. I am totally suportive of you following where ever God is leading. I know that it must be very difficult for you to make this transition, but just know that whatever it is that God is calling you to will be completely awesome.
:) I love you.