Balance...
I didn't think that having two children would be so strange. I always thought having them both would enrich my life so much....so long perfect ideals...lol. Now that they are both here and a part of my life I'm finding it difficult to find a balance between spending time with Cade (who DESIRES my attention) and taking care of Ayden (who NEEDS my attention).
Any advice from you moms out there who have multiple children? How did you do it? How did you balance a newborn and a 4 yr old (or however old your children were at the time) and maintain any amount of sanity? How did you survive on so little sleep? How did you explain to your oldest that the baby NEEDS mommy right now and I can't play at the moment?
So many questions and so few answers come to my mind. I need some mommy advice. Hopefully some of you will respond to this post and let me in on the secrets (or just assure me that these feelings are perfectly normal and the baby will soon be so big that it won't be such a struggle to play with both of them together).
Thanks in advance for your advice and/or ideas.
Any advice from you moms out there who have multiple children? How did you do it? How did you balance a newborn and a 4 yr old (or however old your children were at the time) and maintain any amount of sanity? How did you survive on so little sleep? How did you explain to your oldest that the baby NEEDS mommy right now and I can't play at the moment?
So many questions and so few answers come to my mind. I need some mommy advice. Hopefully some of you will respond to this post and let me in on the secrets (or just assure me that these feelings are perfectly normal and the baby will soon be so big that it won't be such a struggle to play with both of them together).
Thanks in advance for your advice and/or ideas.
Comments
What you're feeling are absolutely normal feelings. My oldest was 6 when my youngest was born so perhaps I had a little easier time. But the 6 y.o. still wanted mommy's attention because up until the birth of my 2nd, he'd always gotten my attention. One thing that helped tremendously was asking him to do little things that would help me (can you please throw this diaper away, can you get your brother a blanket, etc.). Also, I would carve out 30 minutes while the baby was napping to play whatever the older one wanted to play.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but as the Ayden gets older, it will get easier. Cade is having to adjust to sharing his time with this being that while he knew he existed, it was inside of you and didn't take you away from him. Just keep him as involved as you can and everything will work out.
Another idea is to schedule a little date with just Cade. Even if it's only an hour to go to the nearest Chick-fil-A and get an ice cream.
Those are just some ideas from the mom of a 9 y.o. and 3 y.o. Hope it helps.
But the best thing I found to combat the divided needs was to include the older one. Cade can't change a diaper or feed Ayden, but he can get you a burp cloth, sit with you and tell Ayden a story while he eats, hand you the powder/diaper/wipes as you need them, help keep him still on the changing table by holding his hand and making silly faces... you get the idea. The more Cade sees ways to be *involved* with Ayden (being the big brother and helping teach Ayden how to do this growing up thing) instead of having it be mommy-with-Ayden vs. mommy-with-Cade, the better. He'll understand more what it takes to care for a little one because he'll be part of it and he'll likely become more content to self-entertain for short periods without feeling neglected. He'll still need some just-him time with you, but he'll become more willing to accept shared time with you, too. It does take some creativity to break down your mommying tasks into little steps and find ways he can help, but it's worth it.
And, girl, IT'S NORMAL! Two is harder than one. You can't focus solely on the new little life; you have two sleep patterns to handle; when they're as close as yours are, you have to explain concepts of sharing/need vs. want/limited time to a child who isn't old enough to totally grasp it but whom you NEED to grasp it; a little unbalanced is NORMAL. You're not drowning. You're not failing. You will sleep again. Hang in there. They *will* enrich your life; it just won't look like you thought it would. Hugs!
Get Cade to help you care for Ayden as much as possible so he doesn't feel left out. You can also ask him to come sit with you while you feed Ayden maybe you could suggest an activity/book/toy he can do with you right there.
I know Cade isn't very sure he wants to share HIS mommy yet but he'll warm up to it.
((((big hug))))