20 years ...

 My oldest son turned 20 this year.  It's hard to believe that I would be old enough to have a 20 year old son since I'm only 29, right 😅??  Anyway, I remember the day I found out I was expecting him.  I came home from work that day and took a test.  No reason that I should have needed to take that test as I had no symptoms of pregnancy and no reason to think that I might be pregnant.  But that test ran positive immediately.  I was shocked...so shocked that I immediately called Ryan who was, at the time, earning his Bachelor's Degree and walking into his night class to take a test.  We were both working full-time jobs and doing pretty well and enjoying our lives as a young married couple with no children.  But Ryan was a little less than excited the way I dropped the news on him LOL I don't remember if he even passed that test or not .. can't imagine why 😂

I had a typical pregnancy (aside from morning sickness) and I delivered a perfect, healthy baby boy.  He was a compliant child and so sweet.  As many new mothers know, raising your first baby is just a precious time.  Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom you know how sweet the times are when it's just you and your baby.  I absolutely loved every minute of my baby boy's first years at home with just me.  He and I had the best times together.  It was just a beautiful time in my life.  Precious memories that I will hold close to my heart for the remainder of my life.  

When your kids grow up all a mother can think about are those sweet memories.  The precious sound of their little voice asking questions.  Sweet eyes looking at you with all the wonder and love that is in their little world.  Their sweet hands and fingers holding on to yours.  The way they cuddled in your lap holding that ragged lovey that they've latched on to.  Hugs and kisses and mountains of fruit snacks, naps and skinned knees, tears and laughter.  When they grow up all of those things turn to memories.  The little boy I will always remember is now a grown man standing in front of me with a wide future ahead of him....and he's trying desperately to stand on his own two feet and gain some independence while I try desperately to hang on to my memories of the little boy he once was.  He used to need me for everything .. and now he needs me for nothing.  That sounds like a bad thing; like a sad reality ... BUT it's really not!  I raised a well-rounded, healthy, strong, independent and Godly man who has the confidence to branch out on his own into this cold world.  He is smart and funny and so much cooler than I ever was LOL and he's just a beautiful person.  

So Happy Birthday, my beautiful boy!  Your mother will "love you forever, like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be" .. and I'll continue to hang on to my memories and try as best as I can to let you move through this world with all the grace and strength that you possess.  And I'll watch in wonder at what God is going to accomplish through you!

Love, 

Mom