16 ... 16 years ... but I'm only 29!!!

 My baby boy, my smallest blessing ... he turned 16 years old yesterday.  How can that be since I'm only 29? LOL

A driver ... I've been through this once so you would think that I would know how to act (or how not to act).  But this one hurts ... like I'm proud, but there's a piece of me that is hurting just a little bit with how grown up my boys are.  When you have the last one that is trying to gain independence from the family unit it makes your heart hurt just a little bit.  I have guarded this one little boy for such a long time it's just hard to let go of the parenting.  

A little about this one ... he was a hard one to raise.  A strong willed child from the womb, he was always going to do things when he wanted to.  I remember going in for my first doppler appt to hear the heartbeat for the first time and the doctor sending me straight to the hospital to have an ultrasound to "check viability" my heart sunk a little bit.  I shouldn't be able to read doctor handwriting so being able to read those words on the order was a little disheartening.  I called Ryan immediately because he worked at the hospital that I was going to and he came down to me and we went for the ultrasound which, of course, turned out great!  His heartbeat was strong ... and he was perfectly fine.  Four weeks later, on our second visit to hear the heartbeat in the doctor's office ... same.exact.thing.  This child was not going to allow us to hear him in the womb till he wanted to.  We went back over to the hospital to get another ultrasound and there he was, perfect as could be, in his own little world happy as a warm little clam.  All other visits to the doctor went as planned and I had a very healthy pregnancy, but delivery was another issue.  On January 19, 2010 at 4 a.m. I woke up to go to the bathroom .. completely normal .. and POP .. my water breaks.  We call my mother to come stay with Cade (who had just turned 4 years old) and we head to the hospital.  We get into a room and Ayden is born by 9 a.m.  No doctor, just nurses there to catch him.  Again, he has arrived in his own time.  When we got home I commenced my life as a mother of two small boys and did everything the same way I did with Cade.  Just like I remembered.  Nursing, diapers, napping ... and that boy wasn't having any of it.  STRONG-WILLED CHILD.  He had a very strong will from the very beginning...all the way back to the first doppler appointment.  I ready Dr. Dobson's Strong Willed Child and the one thing that stuck with me is "... keep praying.  One day he will use that strong will to lead others to the Lord.  They just won't be able to say no to him."  And that was it .. right there.  That was the moment I accepted that this boy was different.  Did I always get it right?  Nope.  Did I never lose my temper?  DOUBLE NOPE.  Were there things that I wish I did better?  Well, of course, doesn't every mother?

As he grew so did his attitude.  By the time it was his turn to start school we were living in Florida and he did NOT like structure of any kind.  In pre-k he hated taking naps.  In Kindergarten he had trouble moving from one task to another when he didn't want to.  In first grade he had trouble reading and in second grade he was diagnosed with SLD (specific learning disability).  No one would ever tell me what that "specific" was, but I hired a private speach/language pathologist and learned that he had dyslexia, which explained why he had so much trouble reading.  We also got him into a local psychologist and learned that Ayden is HIGHLY intelligent but that he also had ADHD which creates a mental block in a person's mind preventing .  I was crushed to learn that my child was not like everyone else, but then in third grade he made a VERY high score on his state standardized test which boosted his self esteem like I can't even explain.  I had one of his teachers/mentors tell me that "by 2nd or 3rd grade they begin to know that they don't know things".  Like they know they are behind. No one ever said those words out loud to him, but I think this is something Ayden has carried with him for years without saying anything to anyone.  He would make comments like "I'm just dumb" or "I just can't do it".  That breaks a momma's heart to hear .. especially when you know he is completely capable of doing anything he puts his mind to.  Look at the LEGO'S you build!  The intricacies that go into those things!  I can't even follow some of those directions LOL and Ayden puts the really difficult ones together in a few hours.  In 4th grade we had COVID and distance learning was not our friend.  This was the year I said I would never homeschool him.  Fifth grade was a turning point for my boy.  He had to change classes for the first time ever and he was put on medication for his ADHD and things turned around for him.  In 6th grade he started middle school and his temperament began to even out with puberty and he gained a little more confidence being in a school where he was allowed to flourish and be a "free thinker".  His 7th and 8th grade years were a breeze for him after he settled into Middle School and we aimed for high things in High School.  He was accepted into the MAPPS program after a little pushback from the coordinator because of low ELA scores but he was able to be placed in a classroom that was a little lower than a MAPPS classroom and this was a negative experience for us all <<GenEd classrooms are not like advanced classrooms if you don't know that LOL>>  Even though he was pulled from his classmates and placed in a lower class he excelled and in my discussions with the Administration at his High School he was suggested to be in a higher lever classroom for ELA because he was meeting and exceeding expectations for an ESE student.  Thank goodness!!  If any other parent has ever had a student who learns differently and cannot be shoved into the "box" that the education system tries to shove all of our kids into, then you know the frustration as a parent of teaching your kids how to advocate for themselves.  They have rights and so do you!  Individual Education Plans (IEP's) give our students INDIVIDUALIZED education that conforms to THEIR individual learning.  It follows them all the way up to collegiate learning.  Don't give up, mommas and daddies.  The help is out there.  You just have to find the right road and start walking.  Don't take no for an answer and exhaust every effort and path to get your kids what they need to help them learn on their own level.  And don't put higher expectations on them than they can bear!  

And now, my boy is a Sophomore at his High School and I am facing getting him a driver's license.  He's my last one.  My baby.  I am putting him on the roadways with all the other crazy people out there operating a motor vehicle and it's truly terrifying.  What if he doesn't know who has the right of way at a 4 way stop?  What if he doesn't remember that a sold green light means "not a protected left turn"?  What if he doesn't know what to do when a funeral procession goes by?  What if he doesn't know to veer off to the shoulder if someone slams on their brakes on the highway so you can avoid hitting the person in front of you?  What if .... gosh my mind could go on and on.  I could "what if" myself into an early grave.  Does anyone else do that?  I can't be the only one LOL.

So here's to 16 years with my youngest son, my littlest love.  You were a strong-willed child from the beginning.  Keep your spunk.  Enjoy your youth (regardless if your mom can handle it or not).  Make friends.  Play video games. Fall in love. Do all the things!!  I'll always be here to love you and encourage you and push you to greatness!  Just never forget how much I love you.

love,

mom