Absent....
I have been absent from blogging for almost a month. I have been dealing with secret issues that I have been reluctant to share for the simple fact that I don't want people to think I don't "have it all together". But, why do I worry about that? What's the big deal? Who is the Super Woman that actually does "have it all together"? Well, it's not me, bit if you meet her by chance please give her my number!!
I struggle with what people think of me. I always have. It's always a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that speaks to me, "They are looking at you. They are talking about you." I don't know if other people deal with these notions, but in my years of experience I have found that people don't actually do this. Usually, people are not focused on what I'm wearing or how I'm wearing it...or what I said or how I said it. But, those nagging voices in my head are hard to deal with. I can totally see how young people fall into chaotic and destructive behavior when they don't really know how to deal with their own thoughts toward themselves.
Anyway, here I am and moving onward in my little life. My 8 month old precious little boy is just now sleeping through the night. It's been a VERY rocky road and it's been paved with many stones that I've stumbled over. All the lack of sleep and the tired days have awakened things within my heart that I am not proud of. Things that I didn't know were there. I have prayed and asked the Lord to remove these things and His answer to me was, "YOU need to remove these things and I will be more than willing to help you." Scripture says to "rid yourselves" of all the evil in your heart. Obviously, I have found some evil in my heart that, like I said, I completely didn't realize was there. Skillet has a song that states "I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster". If you don't know Skillet or listen to their music you should...they are awesome...but a little on the rock side...fair warning..lol. Anyway, now that I know it's there I have to make a conscious effort to make sure that I am not giving in to the sinful issues that Satan is trying to get me to do.
***Please don't think that I'm confessing that I have hurt my children in any way...or that I need counseling or medication for depression....I'm simply "confessing my sins to my sisters/brothers" so that you guys can pray for me.*** Mothering children has been more of a challenge than I ever thought it would be and, boy do I need my friends' encouragement and prayers right now...lol.
Cade is now four and about to be five. I find it amazing that he was once an infant and now growing into a bright young child. He is learning and growing and becoming such a wonderful and sweet little man.....except when he decides in his heart to disobey...lol. He somehow goes from my sweet, charming little guy to a whiney, needy little monster in the blink of an eye. I can't figure out how that happens so quickly, but I'm doing my best to cope with it..lol...and teach him how to respect and love his father, mother, and brother. He is a great child and I'm blessed to have him in my small life to raise and show him how to become a man of God. He tells me all the time he wants to grow up and be a dad just like his daddy. That makes me happy to hear him say that.
I want to make sure that I'm being the best mom I can be all the while being the best wife, daughter, friend, and Christ-Follower I can be too. Life is not easy...but God didn't promise that, did He? He just promised to walk with us and be our Provider, Comforter, and Healer. I will trust His guidance and accept His forgiveness and continue to walk forward.
I struggle with what people think of me. I always have. It's always a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that speaks to me, "They are looking at you. They are talking about you." I don't know if other people deal with these notions, but in my years of experience I have found that people don't actually do this. Usually, people are not focused on what I'm wearing or how I'm wearing it...or what I said or how I said it. But, those nagging voices in my head are hard to deal with. I can totally see how young people fall into chaotic and destructive behavior when they don't really know how to deal with their own thoughts toward themselves.
Anyway, here I am and moving onward in my little life. My 8 month old precious little boy is just now sleeping through the night. It's been a VERY rocky road and it's been paved with many stones that I've stumbled over. All the lack of sleep and the tired days have awakened things within my heart that I am not proud of. Things that I didn't know were there. I have prayed and asked the Lord to remove these things and His answer to me was, "YOU need to remove these things and I will be more than willing to help you." Scripture says to "rid yourselves" of all the evil in your heart. Obviously, I have found some evil in my heart that, like I said, I completely didn't realize was there. Skillet has a song that states "I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster". If you don't know Skillet or listen to their music you should...they are awesome...but a little on the rock side...fair warning..lol. Anyway, now that I know it's there I have to make a conscious effort to make sure that I am not giving in to the sinful issues that Satan is trying to get me to do.
***Please don't think that I'm confessing that I have hurt my children in any way...or that I need counseling or medication for depression....I'm simply "confessing my sins to my sisters/brothers" so that you guys can pray for me.*** Mothering children has been more of a challenge than I ever thought it would be and, boy do I need my friends' encouragement and prayers right now...lol.
Cade is now four and about to be five. I find it amazing that he was once an infant and now growing into a bright young child. He is learning and growing and becoming such a wonderful and sweet little man.....except when he decides in his heart to disobey...lol. He somehow goes from my sweet, charming little guy to a whiney, needy little monster in the blink of an eye. I can't figure out how that happens so quickly, but I'm doing my best to cope with it..lol...and teach him how to respect and love his father, mother, and brother. He is a great child and I'm blessed to have him in my small life to raise and show him how to become a man of God. He tells me all the time he wants to grow up and be a dad just like his daddy. That makes me happy to hear him say that.
I want to make sure that I'm being the best mom I can be all the while being the best wife, daughter, friend, and Christ-Follower I can be too. Life is not easy...but God didn't promise that, did He? He just promised to walk with us and be our Provider, Comforter, and Healer. I will trust His guidance and accept His forgiveness and continue to walk forward.
Comments
God teaches us SOOOO much through mothering, doesn't He?!
Although I realize "We" must choose to walk away from old, bad habits I am of the opinion that the more we know Him the easier it is to do the walkin'. If we could just choose, totally on our own, we would be able to take the credit for the change. *I* believe God does the changing. We just need to open ourselves to Him and seek Him. He already knows our hearts. And He knows that when we acknowledge our "ugly" we realize we need Him all the more. So you just keep your chin up and know that God is with you. He loves you more than you can comprehend. He will forgive your shortcomings and He will help them fall away. Thanking Him for His forgiveness, guidance and blessings.
Love you!