15 years ago...

Fifteen years ago I stood here with my little family taking a picture that would be sent to a church showing them my precious family.  I was preparing to take on the life of MINISTRY (what Lord?).  Fifteen years ago my husband asked me to make a HUGE sacrifice (who Lord?).  A new direction for our family, for our future (why Lord?).  Fifteen years ago I stood here...tired, overwhelmed, struggling (where Lord?).  You would never know it from the smile pasted on my face, but this was one hurting woman in the photo.  I didn't talk about it, but I was not OK (how Lord?).  

I had a new baby, a budding 3 year old, a very hard-working husband, a beautiful home, a dream life ... and this was the moment that God asked us to get ready to go into ministry.  Little did I know that it wouldn't be for another year that He would actually call us to our first full time vocational ministry job, but at this moment, in this photo, I was terrified.  I didn't know what ministry was or how it would shape my future, my family ... but I was willing.  I was broken and questioning, but I was willing.  

How would we pay bills?  Where would we be moving to?  What are you getting us into?  Why now? Are you sure you got the "who" right?      LOL     I won't lie, many moments I sat in my house with my crying infant and sweet little toddler and wondered if God actually got that calling correct when he chose me to be the one that was called into ministry alongside my husband.  "God, do you see me?  I'm a literal mess and I can't even keep my baby boy from crying <if you know Ayden, you know this sentence rings TRUTH> and you want me to do go to a place where I don't have any family and I won't have any friends?"  

Gosh, all of the emotions inside of my heart at one time, right in one photograph.  If I could only go back and tell this struggling girl, "Momma, look at your future .... "

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How?  By the very grace of My Faithful Savior!  

Why?  Because there are so many that were once lost and now FOUND along the way!

Where?  Wherever, Lord!

Who?  Yes, even me!

What?  Ministry ... Go tell them!!! 

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I started this post wanting to show the woman in the first photo and how broken she was ... but when I posted the second photo the tears flowed.  The faithfulness of my God has been so evident over the many years of my life and I see his Hand leading me from childhood all the way to adulthood....none so evident as the years I've served alongside Ryan in ministry, though.  

The girl in the first photo had no idea how ministry would shape her life.  She didn't have all of the answers she wanted...the who, what, when, where, why and how....She didn't have any idea how her children would react to the stress or movement of ministry.  She didn't know anything....

The woman in the second photo has lived ... she has not just lived, she FLOURISHED.  She watched her children give their lives to Jesus.  She watched her husband lead many people to the saving work and power of Jesus.  She watched her own life become more than she ever imagined.  She has ministered with the hands and heart of Jesus to girls that would otherwise not have ever heard her story.  

I don't know all of the answers ... and I still try to figure out the who, what, when, where, why and how but looking back over the past years, I can rest PEACEFULLY knowing that my God's got this!  

"Don't worry, child, I've got you!"    -   Jesus