Januarys...

 January's...

This is the month with the most sentiment for me.  

I was born January 11..  

My oldest son was born January 3...

My youngest son was born January 19...  

In case you didn't notice that's 9 days following Christmas and 8 days apart from each birthday.  No, Ryan and I did not plan it this way and No it's not easy to go from Christmas to birthdays so quickly.  I have always looked for interesting ways to celebrate birthdays for my boys and also enjoy mine in between.  I've tried dinners, sleepovers for the boys, parties at fun places.....it's been interesting....but I digress...

Anyway, this year, in particular, has been rather difficult for me.  I look forward to January's because of all the attention that my boys and I receive during this time of year.  But, as I get older, I begin to feel that my boys are distancing themselves from me and it is happening naturally for them...it's not bad, it's natural.  They just need me less and less. It's hard being needed LESS.  I'm not the only mom that has dealt with this nor will I be the last, and I won't wallow too long in the "need to be needed" feelings.  It's just the transitional stage of life that I'm currently living within.  

Anyway, this year my last little boy turns 13 years old.  Thirteen is a huge milestone in a young person's life.  Thirteen is a huge deal....and my little boy moves from little kid to teenager overnight.  Ayden has always been a challenging child to raise.  I do not choose my children's names off of what they mean, but Ayden means "firey" and Kristopher means "Christ-bearer".  Ayden has always lived up to the meaning of his name...he is a Firey child and at the age of 5 he became the bearer of Christ's Name on his heart.  A lot of times I look at Ayden and wonder if he really understood what he prayed all those years ago when he asked Jesus to come into his heart.  I wonder if he really knows the implication of what Jesus did for him on the cross...then I have to stop and think, "Well, does anybody?"  Even I can't comprehend the love that Jesus displayed for me on the cross, so how can I judge my son's heart about whether he knows or doesn't know the weight of that sacrifice for his soul?  Well that is a post for another time, LOL...Ayden is a different breed of human being.  He is so loving and so tender...so spicy and so sweet.  He is witty and funny at times and can be such a quiet soul.  He loves being at the house and takes the time to "relax" any time he can.  He is so very different from his brother.

Cade turned 17 this year...and I still swallow hard thinking that he is almost a senior in high school.  What happened to the time that was spent sitting in the floor playing candy land and chutes and ladders?  What happened to the time that he would stand in the living room holding his bear and sucking his thumb?  What happened to my little boy who loved to sit with me and hug me??  Well, he grew up.  He discovered that he has a mind of his own.  He discovered that he loves skateboarding and skim boarding.  He discovered girls...(Momma wasn't ready for that one...).  Cade has always been so easy-going and laid back.  He is still this way..."We'll just figure it out..." is his life's motto and he lives by this daily...drives me crazy.  I've enjoyed watching him grow, but my heart breaks almost daily knowing that he will leave me one day.  But I know that day is coming...it's a day I prayed for many years ago.  I already knew my child was destined for something bigger.  One day he will leave me and I will cry, but not because I'm sad...but because I know that Cade will be doing something BIG in the world.  I will shed tears of joy watching my baby boy be all that God has created him to be.  It will be awesome to see!  

These boys of mine....they grew up....I got to watch it.  I got to be a part of what God was and still is doing in their lives.  It's hard raising kids....watching them move from "Mommy can I have a snack," to, "Mom can I have some gas money?"  These transitions have been hard for me.  I haven't always dealt with the changes with ultimate grace, but I have always cherished the time that I had with them while they were little.  

Mommas, drink in these moments while your babies are small.  They do grow up so quickly....one day you're holding that squishy little snuggly baby then you blink once and they're grown.  It's the strangest feeling...like you're sad that they grew up but so proud of the person they're becoming.  And the day that they profess Jesus as their Savior...yep...that day...that day makes you proud of the person you're raising.  Then they invite someone to church and then that person gives their life to Jesus....yeah, that's a pretty awesome feeling right there.  

So, mommas...hug them tight, BUT be ready to let go when the time comes...because it's coming....